Trick or Treat (me to a drink)
The last one
This is the last Fuzzy and OJ comic Elly drew, and it's not so much a comic as just a sketch she did that I put caption to. Regarding the post, I can't remember the last time I've actually seen kids out trick-or-treating on Halloween. I think they sit at home and eat margarine out of a tub while aimlessly trolling Facebook. Five year olds just aren't the same anymore.
Halloween is great. All the women dress like sluts. It doesn't matter if it's 10 below and there's an epidemic of flesh eating virus going around. All the girls will wear at most a bra and vagina and say "I'm a [fill in the blank]". Blank is irrelevant.
Neighborhoods in your town will very quickly get divided up on Halloween night. There will be the epicenters, were hordes of drunken, screaming, vandalizing young adults will tromp around in "costumes" while puking onto sidewalks. Then there'll be the ring around that, where people are coming and going from these hellish puke-pits in various states of consciousness.. And then you have quiet candy-heaven neighborhoods with cheerful children running around singing with joy while their parents glance about fearfully. Whether it's candy, alcohol, or being a whore, everyone's satisfying an addiction.
Lest you think I'm uncommonly intelligent and above these self-destructive activities, I can assure you I'm not. I did indeed go out, wearing an absurd hat. When anyone asked me what I was, I wordlessly pointed to my hat and just stared at them, as if they were meant to gain sudden comprehension. I had liquor bottles hanging out of my pockets, because I felt this was somehow classier than carrying them down the street in my hands. The festivities were a vague blur but at some point I was surrounded by raucous women who were taking turns shooting my shotgun. This was a dangerous activity to be enjoying in my bedroom.
I awoke sometime in the afternoon stinking of cigarettes and sex. I asked the woman lying next to me if she smoked and she said "no." I then asked where I met her and she said the last thing she remembered was expunging the contents of her stomach and then falling asleep in an alleyway. I guess "picking up women" took on new meaning.
~Fuzzy