Lesbian Seagulls

July 25 2014

Lesbians are real people too.... really hot people

I very rarely watch porn these days, so I guess the part in the post below about preferring real life women still holds true. The part about having to "delete" porn off the hard drive definitely shows the age of this post, given the easy access to broadband and internet porn. Hell, I've watched porn on my phone. If I had a porn addiction I could feed it literally anywhere. There are one or two places where I can't satisfy my addiction for real life sex.

Reviewing the post makes me realize that I wrote it at a time when I hadn't had any threesomes yet. Seeing two women going at it is no longer something so wondrous that I have to seek it out online. Plus it probably annoys lesbians to no end when I bunch of jackwads ogle them while clucking over their light beers. I'm marginally less jackwaddish these days. Although I'm still guilty of drinking Coors Light. I could pretend it's a rare thing, but the fact that I have a 6 foot cutout of the Coors Light man in my bedroom gives me away. And yes, he DOES creep out women. Although I am more entertained by those individuals who notice him but choose to say nothing. What other failings do they assume I have? What is so wrong with me that a cardboard man has to keep me company at night?

Random aside: The original name of the comic was this post's title. "Lesbian Seagulls" is what OJ named the file when he emailed it to me. I don't know why. But I like it.

Let's face it men, we've all been shot down by a woman. Whether it's "you're not my type" or "I don't date convicts", it all comes out sounding like the same thing: Game Over. And as we walk away, defeated, we secretly imagine that the real reason she shot us down is because she has a hot girlfriend at home that she is going to have incredible lesbian sex with. Today's comic appeals to those imaginative men. Even the greatest James Bond Don Juan Casanova player can't seduce a staunch lesbian, so it's not really our fault she shot us down, right?

Why do men love lesbians? The answer is so hackneyed that it's barely worth mentioning: If one hot girl is great, then two of them are twice as great. I, just like every other warm-blooded man, am titillated by lesbian porn. I have discovered though, and perhaps you will share with me in this revelation, that watching beautiful lesbians engage in tastefully choreographed naked wrestling sessions has nearly ruined my ability to appreciate actual women. More than once I have caught myself staring at the ceiling while physically engaged with a woman, wondering when I can get home to enjoy some luscious lezzy cinema. It's for this reason that I deleted all the porn off my computer.

I can hear you gasping now. "But Fuzzy," you say, "How will you fire your rocket without a stimulating visual aid?!" This is how, my friends, and yes, you will find this brilliant. I do it with a woman. This might sound sarcastic, maybe even patronizing. That isn't my intent though. I simply want to elucidate the sad state that abundant porn had left me in. After having deleted my multi-gigabyte collection, I quickly relearned that not only can women adequately substitute for your hand, Jergen's moisturizing skin lotion, and porn, but they in fact are better. I feel bad for the women who are expected to compete with porn stars. I feel bad right up until the point I cum all over their face.

If you're a chick and you're offended by my post, then perhaps you should have your boyfriend go back to whacking off to grainy porn clips instead of fucking you. If you're a lesbian...... you're hot.


P.S. I wrote this post on the back of an envelope while driving. I almost ran over a puppy. I hope you appreciate the peril I put myself in for your entertainment.

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